Weekly Weigh In ‘n other stuff


Today was my weigh in and I wasn’t expecting any spectacular results given how much time I’ve spent in bed this week. But I was rewarded with a three pound loss anyway thanks to the new healthy way I’ve been eating. I’m thinking about ordering a scale that tracks fat percentages too so I can have a better perspective on how my body is changing thanks to the healthy food I’ve been putting in it.

This will especially come in handy as soon as I can start exercising.

But all in all, having lost 25 pounds in the last five months is not too shabby and I can’t complain.

I’ve also lost enough weight so far this year to provide 17 pounds of food for the underprivileged thanks to the Pound for Pound Challenge.

It’s a great feeling (and a double motivator) to know I’m doing this not just for myself but others as well.

As the year progresses and my health improves, I’ll be doing this in more ways like walking for charities. One near and dear to me will be the Heart Walk in the fall. Three of the most important men in my life (my dad, my first husband Daniel and my son Brandon) all died because of heart related illnesses – so that one is very, very important. Not only am I walking to improve my own health so that I don’t die of a heart related illness, but it helps raise money for the American Heart Association.

I’ll be needing sponsors, so have your pocketbook handy. 😉

Last night I tried my first “raw” food in the Raw Rev 100 chocolate and coconut bar.

rawrev100

I was a little nervous eating “live” food, but it wasn’t bad. In fact, it was pretty tasty. It was a more bitter, dark chocolate taste but the nuts and the coconut complemented it quite nicely. Next is the Agave Cashew bar…

cashewagave

I’ll let you know how it goes.

The great thing about these bars is that with the flax seed (sprouted, as per the label), they have the Omega 3s that are critical for heart health. It also helps pain and inflammation and keeps the mind sharp.

All things I need more of in my diet… to do that and get a guilt free chocolate experience is even better.

This health stuff is turning out a lot better than I had hoped.

For those of you curious about the back issues, right now it’s pretty acute. Last night Steven found a particularly hot spot that has plagued me with a 7-8 level pain ever since. It means I have to take the pills, which I hate. They knock me out but then I have strange dreams that bubble up issues I don’t want to deal with. So this means I sleep hard but not well. I wake up with headaches and anxiety and it’s just a big ol hot mess.

I don’t know why these things are picking now to make their presence known. I totally don’t have the stamina to get down and dirty with them and dig them out of my psyche. If I had to venture a guess I’d say it’s because I’m losing the weight fairly quickly. It’s triggering my vulnerability and manifesting itself as those things I’d rather forget – from trauma I’ve endured to even my own bad choices.

I guess that true weight loss (as in life changing – permanent weight loss) is just as much mental as it is physical.

Lose weight – get smaller – feel more vulnerable = deal with the issues that make me scared to get smaller and feel more vulnerable (i.e. lose weight).

I guess if I want an epic year I have to be ready to make epic changes.

Toward that end, I got some perspective on the writing thing from an unexpected source. On Idol it was “Hollywood Week”, the harshest of the cuts that take those who were good enough to advance but send them home because they weren’t good enough when stacked up with the others.

This is my biggest fear. To be good but not good enough. To flounder in mediocrity because I just don’t have what it takes to break in. So as these folks were getting sent home (and I felt their pain, especially after the latest rejection I got a couple of days ago), Kara said something that just struck me like a bolt of lightning.

“We’ve all heard no more than we’ve heard yes.”

If someone who is successful can say that, it really puts it into perspective. The law of averages show that I’m going to get more no’s than yes’s. Therefore if I keep getting the rejections, it’s bringing me that much closer to finding someone who will say yes.

So that means I gotta keep getting those queries out there. I have to keep trying. The only difference between me and someone who is published is that they didn’t stop at the no’s.

So that’s my mantra… keep going until I get a yes. I have a lot of indicators that I have the talent to succeed. I need to believe in myself so that I can find someone else to believe in me also – someone who can fight for my projects like they deserve to be.

It’ll happen. I just have to make it through the no’s.

Epic year – epic choices.

Time to make things happen.

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6 thoughts on “Weekly Weigh In ‘n other stuff

  1. I always find that when I’m doing something right in one area, the enemy/chatterbox finds other areas to attack and try to wrestle control of me. That could be what’s happening to you with those dreams.

    • Probably. But I think for the weight stuff it’s a matter of feeling vulnerable the “smaller” I get. It brings up a lot of emotional issues for me that have contributed to my needing to feel buffered from other people.

  2. Right, the weight has been sort of an armor for you and as you strip yourself of it, you’ll find yourself more vulnerable to attack, so to speak.

    • Exactly. Today was pretty tough as far as that goes. But I guess that’s a good thing. If this is a lifestyle change it’s gotta fit life – and there are going to be days when it’s not as easy to fend off The Chatterbox and all its evil siblings.

  3. I always read your blogs but never comment but I was feeling led to today. Your commitment to weight loss and lifestyle change is really inspiring to me, especially having to face the health issues (mental and physical) that you’re up against. It makes me push myself harder to accomplish my weight/life goals, especially since I don’t have any health problems to speak of. I just wanted to encourage you the way you’ve unknowingly encouraged me!

    • That means so much to me, Christina – thank you 🙂 Comments like yours inspire me so please always feel free to share your thoughts.

      Makes me feel less alone in the journey 🙂

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