Well… I done dood it.

I quit my job.

I had to, there was no other way. I can barely hobble around my house much less try to go to work and sit for 8 hours at a stretch with no medication. I can’t keep calling in day after day and then go to the ER every three days to provide notation of my situation. It’s just not fair to anyone, myself or my employer.

Thankfully the call center manager understood when I talked to her. She said she’d process my paperwork as rehire-able so that when I got better I can get my job back.

This is better than waiting to be fired. One, I don’t need another termination on my record and two, I can go back when my situation/circumstances change. As in the past, it takes anywhere from six weeks to about three months for my back to “heal” from one of these episodes – and that’s with complete rest rather than trying to maintain a job.

I hate to do it, especially knowing the pressure it puts on Steven, but maybe I can find something to do from home – maybe invest more in my writing, etc – to help him out.

God, this is bringing up a lot of issues in me… the sense of failure, the sense of ultimate vulnerability… putting my survival in the hands of someone else. Even though that someone else is my husband who has done more than his share taking care of me these last four years than he probably ever signed on to.

And God knows he isn’t making me feel guilty about it in any way. He told me I held out longer than he thought I would.

But still.

I can’t stand the thought of letting anyone down. And that’s what I feel I’ve done.

But it was the right thing to do, I just pray God’ll see us through the next few months because they’re going to be a little hairy.


8 thoughts on “Well… I done dood it.

  1. I think that’s a wise decision. I know it must’ve been hard considering how independent you are, but it’s for the best. It’s better to struggle financially now and get better so you can work in the future than to keep going on like this.

    It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to.

  2. look at it this way, hon.. you did something that took some serious commitment for you to follow through with. that is an accomplishment in and of itself. i know, because i am the same exact way. everything will be fine, gin. have faith in that and you’ll be juuuuust fine. and as far as steven goes.. it’ll prolly be good for him ( and for you ) to be allowed to take care of you for a while. you just gotta force yourself to let him do it. this’ll be a real good opportunity for him to learn how to cook tofu!!! =D

    on a serious note, i’m glad you did this. as stressful as it may be financially, it’ll be physically a lot healthier for you, which is way more important in the long run. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

  3. I think your decision took courage and I understand the panic you mentioned. Leaving on good terms helps in the future. I’m going to some meditaion classes at my work to learn how to block the chatter that you mentioned (totally understand the mind chatter thing). The relief of not having to worry about being fired or calling in sick will hopefully help as well. I respect you and I’m not sure I would have had your courage. Good luck and I’ve been praying for you. your faith will carry you throught this trial.

    1. Thank you so much, Gayle. I appreciate that comment more than you know. Everyone so far is supportive of the decision and that helps quiet the chatterbox for now – but I think you’re onto something with the meditation thing.

      I’m going to look into that more.

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