Today was my “last” weigh in for the month of February (I say last but don’t put it past me to have another one by February 28) and I’m happy to report that with this morning’s two pound drop on the scale I made my 10 pound loss goal for the month of February.
This means that since I ditched the sugar in Sept/Oct I’ve lost 28.5 pounds and since ditching dairy and meat in early January I’ve lost 20 pounds.
That 20 pounds also counts toward my 50 pound pledge for the Pound for Pound Challenge, so that’s especially cool.
I’m feeling good even though I was a little unhappy with myself yesterday for a couple of reasons. One, I picked up my last check from my old job and that through me into some immediate self loathing and two, when I did a video blog about it I couldn’t get past how fat I still looked despite what the scale says.
Made me doubt the scale.
Where’s ANT to remind me that the scale doesn’t lie?
And the clothes I’m wearing better now do not lie.
The clothes that are now so big on me I look like Urkel with the waistline coming up to my bra line doesn’t lie.
But self perception is key, and part of the bigger picture (and bigger problem). I’m so critical of myself in a way I wouldn’t be on someone I truly loved. I’d never look at video of my sons and say, “Wow, look at that double chin.”
I’d think, “Look how handsome he is – I love him and am so proud of the person he is.”
Yet, I can’t muster that for myself yet. The commitment to stop abusing myself is an ever present challenge, seems like. Especially when I’m doing so well and have no real reason to feel anything but pride in my progress.
That’s not the reason I haven’t yet posted the video blog, it’s more the fact I rambled for thirty minutes straight and haven’t edited the video yet. It takes a while to put it together and then upload files of that size.
But it doesn’t inspire me to do it either.
I think all this is worthy of yet another vlog.
Now despite the scale success, I know I have to keep adapting my lifestyle to keep up the momentum, as well as honor my health. I’ve gotten into the habit of doing what’s easy for my breakfasts (peanut butter sandwiches and juice) but I think I’m going to do a little bit more toward getting more fiber in my meal (like oatmeal). I also need to hydrate more. I’ve been pretty dehydrated these last couple of weeks. Mostly because I haven’t been eating very much. I’ve been guestimating how many calories I’ve been eating, keeping mental track, and therefore erring on the side of not enough rather than too much.
So I need to eat better and drink more water, and start utilizing my food journal more. I was doing really well when I was more disciplined.
March 1st also marks my commitment to start exercising in small increments. I can’t go full throttle, for reasons I’ll expound on in the vlog. March 1st is also when I start documenting in photos my progress so that I’ll have yet another barometer of the changes that are being made whether or not I can allow myself to see them or not.
The temptation is great to validate my existence on the scale or the ongoing progress but I can’t allow that kind of “stinkin’ thinkin” as Stuart Smalley would say.
More issues. More vlogs.
The work on self improvement is never done. 😉