I took a couple of days off through necessity thanks to the stress and pain etc. Those days were peaceful and good – got to meet up with friends and spend my mother in law’s birthday with her. We did so because we spoke to the grandmother and it looked like the business part had to wait for a psyche evaluation for my uncle to see if he was competent enough to sign over durable power of attorney over to us to help handle their money, pay their bills, etc.
Plus they were getting better, stronger, etc. So we took a necessary break.
Little did we know….
The other day they became agitated (and the hospital did not call us) and even began throwing things and had to be sedated because they want to go home and don’t understand why they can’t. They’re tied into these wheelchairs and can’t move at their will and they’re confused as to why. This is not like they’re in the frame of mind they understand this is a temporary thing for their best interest (supposedly), so they become very upset to the point my aunt was throwing stuff across the room.
Even though the hospital insisted that someone sign the responsible party paperwork, they did not feel it necessary to contact my mother to let her know what was going on. My aunt’s granddaughter was there and she didn’t call us either. So we had no idea how bad it had gotten with them.
But worse, yesterday my aunt’s heart stopped and no one saw fit to call us either – even though 9/11 was called and my aunt was taken to the hospital. The granddaughter had to call us to let us know and of course we went back into town but at this point we’re upset because of some other things that sat on us wrong about what was being done behind the scenes when we were told things were going to have to wait.
I didn’t realize the gravity of the situation until we got there.
Once we signed the paperwork when my aunt and uncle got into the convalescent home, we left any directive blank for my aunt because we didn’t feel we could give a DNR for their blood relative without their input. They were on the same page as us, that near 100 she’d lived a long healthy life and she just needed/wanted to “go home” when called to do so.
But apparently through a serious of miscommunication this never got done – and she was revived anyway yesterday morning when her heart stopped.
So she was taken to the hospital and her granddaughter and I went down there to make sure that the right paperwork was signed in the event of any future issues with her heart stopping and how they should handle it (with a DNR we feel is what my aunt wants and is the most compassionate choice for her).
That took up most of the day, but we did find out to file for custodial guardianship it’ll take 30 days, and we’re not even convinced she’ll last this long.
My mother in law says it’s not uncommon to have older, sicker folks (and it turns out my aunt has congestive heart failure) tend to rally right before they fail, which would explain why it seemed she was getting better.
Her granddaughter and I, and even my mom, think it has something to do with the meds they are giving her to “calm her down”. Remember the first day that I saw her, she was much the same and I felt her days were numbered. She bounced back from that to my surprise, so we’ll have to see what happens with her while she’s in the hospital.
Her granddaughter was going to see if she could find out what medication they gave her and just make sure they don’t give that to her again.
The whole thing seems so wrong… to strap people into wheelchairs and to drug them when they become upset about it. Especially people like my aunt and uncle, who have almost mentally devolved to the point where they’re like small kids who have no comprehension that this situation is temporary.
At least, I hope it’s temporary.
I had that thought yesterday when I was looking at my aunt, withered and unconscious in the ER. What’s the point of living to 100 if you end up like that? How is that living?
Which further underscores the immediate necessity to lose weight and get healthy and get active – otherwise I could end up the most dependent I’ve ever been.
In that case… I think I’d rather check out myself.
It was all so overwhelming. I broke down in the ER waiting room and missed my husband so, so much because Steven is my rock in so many ways. Without him there I felt so lost and alone – I just thank God for all the friends I’ve made through Hal/facebook/twitter because you guys totally helped me through that little dark moment just by reaching out to me.
I appreciate you all so much more than I can fully articulate.
Anyway, so today we meet with the folks who are going to take over their at home care. A few days ago we were told they could possibly go home next week, but they have now backed off of that for both my aunt and my uncle. They think my uncle is not even ready for a psyche evaluation, even though I think he’s doing better.
Although he did think my aunt had passed and was telling folks that while my mom stayed with him yesterday. Then he’d wonder when the granddaughter, his wife and I would come back. He wasn’t agitated though, so I think that’s good.
I just don’t know what to do. There are no easy answers. And I feel like a shit that I find myself wishing they had not resuscitated her yesterday.
The granddaughter is overwhelmed, my mother is freaking out about stuff I don’t even know needs her concern.
I’m in the middle and it frankly sucks.
I don’t know how much longer we’re going to stay here, which sucks more.
And then there’s my back, which adds a fun little wrinkle to the entire process. (Not.)
I’ll get by, I always get by, and pull strength out of a bottomless reservoir when necessary. I’ll find my zen about it and pull the life lessons out of it – it’s just a little dark right now and I’m fumbling for the light.
As always… thanks for the support and the love. ❤ ❤ ❤