A belated update.


It’s been a long week without the computer. If I ever denied my addiction to the internet, it all rings false even to me now. It sucked not being able to get the information I wanted right when I wanted it.

But thank God for the public library that helped ease some of my frustration, if only for an hour a day.

Where to begin?

My aunt and uncle are still in the convalescent home but they are due to go home this next Wednesday. The granddaughter was very emphatic she wanted to have her grandmother go home if only to be more at ease when she passed, and even though I didn’t agree with it, the doctor’s don’t recommend it, it’s going to happen on a two week trial basis to see if they can manage on their own.

I really feel that his level of anxiety is going to increase exponentially when my uncle realizes he can no longer drive his beloved car, and has to have someone shadow his every movement even if he does return home. My hope is that a.) he doesn’t grow violent out of confusion and frustration and b.) neither of them hurt themselves.

Turns out Steven’s grandfather was released from a nursing home on Friday, on Saturday he fell in the bathroom and hit his head and would not regain consciousness before he passed soon after.

These are our fears.

But there was no coming to any agreement with the grandkids so we agreed to compromise with a two week trial period with two paid CNAs there 24/7 to make sure that they are as safe and secure as possible. With hospice involved for my aunt, all I can really do is stay here for the next few weeks to make sure that the worst doesn’t happen.

But I still, in my heart of hearts, think it’s a bad idea. The only thing that even remotely makes me want to reconsider to make this compromise is just how miserable they have been in the nursing home. The adjustment period has never taken hold with them, and they’re not going to be happy till they can return home.

Therefore the grandkids won’t be happy until their grandparents are happy, even if it’s not the best thing (or medically advised thing) for them.

Plus, since all this is now private pay, it’s cheaper to have them go home rather than stay in the facility. This means their meager savings will stretch longer before they have to resort to county care.

That this happens on the heels of the whole Health Care debate is not lost on me. You have two people who have lived their life as responsibly as possible, who have scrimped and saved, who have a very modest nest egg that is threatened to evaporate within a few short months simply because they had the bad fortune to get ill.

All we can hope is that they’ll have enough money left to pay for their final expenses when it’s all said and done.

Thus starts the conservatorship which requires courts and getting bonded and and and….

Fortunately I think my moods have stabilized. I’d been eating too much crap since I’ve been here. It hasn’t affected my weight much (except that I haven’t lost anything to speak of), but my moods went haywire. That I was going through all this stress did not help. Note to self: caving on food doesn’t make anything any better.

Good news is I’ve started to get more active. My son and I would walk to the library rather than drive, just to get more exercise. I hurt like a ************, but my son keeps reminding me “it’s a good sore”.

Um. Yeah.

So … more vegetables… more activity… and curb the dairy/sugar intake.

Being pescatarian wasn’t all what it was cracked up to be apparently.

I’ve been able to get out and have fun sometimes as well, like going with my friend Janine to tape Let’s Make a Deal. I even wore a costume. It involved purple hair.

We have more tickets for this weekend. I’ll try to post pictures.

We also went to the beach, which was totally cool. Got a great sunset and was able to get some good exercise walking on all the sand.

My body has since rebelled with all this activity by nearly wrenching itself out this afternoon.

Every now and then it likes to remind me who’s boss. The ******.

Also, it’s been really strange how things are happening. You could call them coincidences, but I don’t believe in those – so I’d rather call it fate. One day I did head into downtown Los Angeles to research all the conservatorship process and on the way back to the nursing home I got lost and ended up going toward east Los Angeles.

I only recognized this when I approached the cemetery where my baby son was buried. Of course I had to turn in and go visit his grave – it felt like I was led there, and I think maybe that was exactly where I needed to be. And interestingly enough… my moods began to stabilize after that visit, for whatever that means.

So what does tomorrow hold? Who knows? My aunt wasn’t doing too well today, and I’m scared she won’t even make it to next Wednesday. But she’s rallied from this before so tomorrow she might be as sassy as ever.

Only tomorrow knows.

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