Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway is a book that I bought and read a long time ago, but felt the need to reread it and apply it to my reconstruction phase. As I read through it I’ll be applying some of the lessons here to the blog.
The one that hit me the most today was when Dr. Jeffers spoke about the WHEN/THEN game. “When I lose weight, then I’ll try to sell a book.”
The problem is that by putting off action until something that requires action somehow magically occurs is completely self-defeating.
I realized yesterday that I’ve got the self realization thing down. I’m one of the more self aware broken people you’ll find. The problem is until I do the work to fix things, I’m still going to be broken – no matter how self aware I am. I can know what broke me, but until I put the work into healing myself and binding myself back up again, I’m never going to get anywhere.
Consider that you’re sitting in your car at the on-ramp of a freeway. Until you actually put the car into gear and start the journey, you’re never going to get where you want or need to go.
So. With that in mind I have decided to take a pretty huge leap of faith. To feel the fear and do it anyway.
Many of you may not know this but I’m a borderline agoraphobic. It’s still partly functional but the fact is that staying in my house or around my “safe” people keeps me protected from the world much in the same way my weight does. It’s probably part of a big social phobia that has its roots in my traumatic experiences when I was younger, but like Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway teaches, the best way to face fear is to know that no matter what happens… I can handle it.
In my first, and deeper, fear of Rejection… I’m going to have to go somewhere without someone who makes it okay for me to be around other people.
I’ve decided to go to California next week; to see friends, to see Hal, to hang out with family, to plot 40th birthday celebrations for my hubby, and to get some residual stuff done for my uncle. Plus I miss being out there.
Everyone I wanted to take with me didn’t work out for one reason or another, and for a moment I thought that meant I couldn’t go.
But the fact is I want to go.
What scares me is doing it alone. If I show up, just me, why would anyone want me? I risk being myself and being rejected or abandoned (another HUGE fear). It’s a scary, scary thing. It puts me in a world I’ve spent forty years piling pounds to keep me buffered from it.
And this puts me right back into it.
So I kinda think I need to do it.
And if the worst happens and I am rejected or abandoned like I fear most, I know ultimately… I can handle it.
So scared… but …. doing it anyway*.