Quit Yer Bitchin’.


The next chapter of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway meets The Secret; it addresses the power of positive thinking. I am the eternal optimist, I totally believe that you can change your life just with a change in attitude.

It’s not easy. As someone who has had a very public battle with my Chatterbox, you all know that this not a battle but a full-fledged war. You will win some skirmishes and limp away from others; but have no doubt that the Chatterbox only has as much power as you allow it.

Being aware of the damn thing isn’t enough. There’s work – a lot of work – involved in rewiring it so that it doesn’t undermine everything we think, feel or do. It’s about a lifestyle change, not just an attitude change.

FTFADIA says that 90% of the bad things we worry about happening never do, so it’s pointless to stay cynical. It’s not more “realistic”, it’s simply more depressing. And I don’t like to be depressed. Which is why I get annoyingly positive and piss off everyone around me who wants to overstay their pity party.

I like a good pity party just the same as anyone else, but there comes a time when you depress yourself so much that you don’t even want to hang out with you.

And this is what ultimately happens. If we constantly complain and moan and groan about how awful things are in our lives we’re going to drive away the people who make us feel good about things.

1.) It’s not anyone else’s job but our own to fix how we feel. Waiting for anyone else to do the work means we’re in for a long wait – AND we’ll likely end up driving away people who are trying to fix their own lives and have no energy to help us fix ours.

2.) The more we bitch and moan and groan about the negative stuff that happened to us the more we draw more negative stuff into our life.

That’s how it works. Words are magnets. The more we use negative words, the more negativity we draw to ourselves. Subsequently the more positive words we use, the more positive things/people/events are drawn to us. That’s how the universe works.

Think about it. You have two people that you care about who want to spend time with you. One is endlessly complaining about whatever is wrong in their lives and the other is upbeat, happy and makes you feel good about your own progress becoming the person you want to be.

Which person are we going to hang out with?

The same is true for the Chatterbox. Though we can’t walk away from the negative-speak, we can fix it with positive speak. Turn it into the friend that keeps us buoyant rather than drags us down. When it starts telling us how awful things are and how badly we screwed up and how worthless we are, or more insidiously how hopeless the situation and how miserable our lives, then over-shout the sucker.

“Why is my life so hard or miserable?” —> “MY LIFE IS FANTASTIC! I HAVE A GREAT FAMILY, WONDERFUL FRIENDS AND THE POWER TO CHANGE!”

“I am sick and in pain and no one cares.” —-> “I HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE MY BODY AND BRING HEALTH BACK INTO MY LIFE!”

“I’ll never achieve the things I want.” —-> “I HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE THE LIFE OF MY DREAMS!”

“I can’t handle this.” —-> “I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE *ANYTHING*!!”

“I am worthless. No one will ever love me.” —> “I AM A LOVING, POSITIVE PERSON OF VALUE!”

If you notice from the affirmation I did not name the problem. We can’t have an aspiration where we name the problem or else we still draw that problem to us. Instead find the emotion or action that will fix that problem and claim it. If we feel weak, proclaim strength. Even if we feel weak when we say it, we need to say it over and over again until we feel stronger.

Believe it or not, the words we say are powerful enough to change what we think. That inner Chatterbox is a *recording*. It’s spitting out what it has been told and subsequently our bodies agree with it. “I am weak” means the body recognizes that weakness and loses strength.

Get a friend to help you with the following exercise:

Hold out your arms straight in front of your body and ask your friend to push them down. Generally they will have no problem with this. Now repeat to yourself, “I am a weak and worthless person” ten times and try again.

Generally you will find that they can push your arms down quite easily.

Now say, “I am a strong and worthwhile person” ten times and have them try again. You’ll find not only will they not be able to push your arms down BUT they’ll find much more opposition than the first time they tried and you hadn’t programmed your mind at all.

So if our minds and our bodies will believe what we tell it, that means all that bitching we do is actually making us WEAKER and less attractive and less successful.

To find our strength, then, we must begin to speak positive words to ourselves to empower ourselves. We can’t wait for someone else to feed them to us – this is very important. We can energize ourselves around people who are positive and make us feel better about ourselves but we can’t leave all the work up to them.

It’s not only unfair, it’s unproductive. We’ll be back to square one when our endless bitching and complaining turns into cloying neediness that drives them away.

And believe me. It totally will. I know this because I have been this person. I have expected the world to fix what was broken and fill the endless black hole voids.

But a broken glass still leaks, and no amount of water will ever fill it.

So we need to fix our glasses. Fill up our own cups until they’re overflowing, and that’s when we can truly give to others rather than drain our relationships away.

Live in positivity. Live in abundance. Live in love.

Start with action:

“It is better to light one candle than curse the darkness.” – Chinese proverb.

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3 thoughts on “Quit Yer Bitchin’.

  1. Thank You!!!!!!!!!!! I have always been the positive person in the room! Where I was working before I became a stay at home mom I was surrounded by 4 negative nancies and it was a complete struggle to keep up the morale. It got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I quit my job and am now a COMPLETELY positive person again. Good luck to everyone else who is struggling with negative nancies!

    1. It is very hard to keep up morale around negative people, you are so right. I was in a customer service job where the onslaught of all the problems was enough to get to me. I quit for health reasons but it was a lot easier to do knowing that I wouldn’t have to put up with people yelling at me all the time.

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