After all was said and done yesterday I had five big garbage bags full of clothes to give away, plus about three pairs of shoes. It was a painful process as I let go of things I had really loved at some point or another. I dug all the way through my closet and cleared out about thirty hangers and two big bins. And though I didn’t get out for a walk I got plenty of exercise lugging and hauling big boxes and bins until I pretty much collapsed by 8pm.
The thing I didn’t expect was the liberation I felt when I made each decision to let stuff go. “Do I need this?” “When will I wear this again?” “Why am I holding onto this?” became the questions I’d ask myself as I handled all the clothes I can’t fit into as well as the clothes I never wear even though I can fit into them. Maybe I didn’t like the way they looked on me, or had reconsidered a color or style after I had brought it home.
Either way, each item I released gave me something in return.
N’ I kinda liked it… even if it was a little painful at the time.
It got to the point where I was *looking* for stuff to give away.
I had time to think about this as I went on my two mile walk today. I’ve got a schedule that I walked one mile a day for one week, then today starts the two weeks I’ll walk two miles a day. Then three for three, four for four, etc. This will probably plateau when I hit 12,000 – or 5 miles per day. This is my fitness schedule for the foreseeable future.
During the second lap it occurred to me I probably should have named this the year of letting go; because essentially that’s what I’m going to have to do in order to make things happen for myself. I have to let go of my old life, which wasn’t working, to claim a new life for myself that will.
With every step I took, I began to silently recite to myself exactly what I was letting go.
And with each step I took, I felt more empowered and liberated.
Thus… it’s getting blogged. And printed. And repeated. At least until I can feel totally released from my old bondage.
I’m letting go of the pain and all the things that have happened to me. I’m letting go of the shame that came with things that were done to me and things that I did to others – whether directly or indirectly. I’m letting go of the condemnation that I am not perfect and accepting into my life the knowledge and wisdom to know that I am more than the sum of my mistakes.
I’m letting go of the opinions of other people. Whether they like me or not, whether they judge me or not makes no difference. There is only one judge in my life that I have to please; and that is done by being the most authentic version of myself that I can be. To share kindness, advocate justice, show compassion, and live by a code of honor to myself and to others. As long as I do these things there is no opinion of anyone else that will rob me of my value – which I have with or without the permission and approval of anyone else.
I’m letting go of the excuses. I will no longer hide behind the “can’t.” I am capable of doing everything that I aspire to do; no matter if it’s hard or seems impossible or out of reach. Just because my past behavior has yielded poor results does not mean I am forever forged into that mold. I have the power everyday to do what needs to be done to make things happen in my life.
I’m letting go of the fear and opening myself up to life. I’m not going to let the fear of looking foolish as I try new things stop me from trying those things because there is only one true way to be a fool… to live your entire life behind four walls and dying with a heart full of “what ifs.”
I’m letting go of the fear of rejection. Not everyone is going to like me, but that’s okay. I’m not here to please everyone else. If someone can’t see me for who I am then they are merely opening the door wider to allow in the truly genuine people who can.
I’m letting go of poisonous, one-sided relationships where I have to give up so much of myself just to be in them. I’m also letting go of the expectations of other people filling the voids I alone can fill. I’m opening myself up to love, true unconditional love, that says I will do for others with no fear of being rejected, or expectation of anything in return.
I’m letting go of the food. I’ve used it for far too long to fill me with the emotions I’ve been too afraid to really, legitimately feel. I’m letting go of the weight that has held me back from being the best version of me that I can be. And I’m letting go of all the reasons that I piled it all on.
I’m letting go of the baggage that people who have hurt me or sought to abuse me or take me for granted have tried to bind me with. These are not my issues and I don’t have to carry them anymore; not the judgment, not the resentment, not the anger or the hatred.
I’m letting go of the “shoulds”… and all my useless ideas of what I should have done in the past, or where I should be right now. I’m not a failure because I haven’t reached my goals – because there is no time limit on reaching them.
Every step I take is one step closer… as long as I’m willing to take it.
So I’m letting go.
And by doing so I’m opening myself up for true expressions of love, honest experiences in life and a real chance of living the life of my dreams.