The Conversation.

I don’t know why I’m tap dancing around what was said. Here was the aforementioned email:

it would be really nice if you could help. What ever differences you have with ***, get over it. I am dealing with her and **** *** all by myslef with no help from you….so when the day comes and *** dies, don’t even think you are ever stepping one foot in this house


And here’s my response:

Yes your asking so nicely really does a lot to make me want to help.

One day you both will realize that the guilt thing doesn’t work on me anymore. Those chains are effectively broken. If I didn’t earn your love by being there for you in the past – and you know DAMN WELL that I was there for you when everyone ELSE in your life had bailed, nothing I ever do in the future is going to be enough.

I tried to be your ****** and I tried to be your friend. But you are too twisted with bitter venom to believe anything but the worst in me. Deep down, under everything you never quite let go of this image you have that I’m just out to get what I can get and use everyone. Forget the fact that I dropped everything to come out and be with you when you were DYING.

I’m only as good as my last good deed for you. And quite honestly… I’m worn out. I’ve got my own family who needs me and who loves me and who doesn’t beat me up for what I’m not, trying to pretend they care just so they don’t end up alone.

It’s all about money and what people do for you… and you never ever think about the damage you wreak on everyone else. The way you leave people abandoned – like Dan and I when we went to LA the first time and you had NO PROBLEM whatsoever in leaving us stranded and homeless.

Like having my son die and you had NO PROBLEM in ignoring me when I needed someone in my life to comfort me.

I tried to bury the hatchet a long time ago when I tried to get you hired on at ********, and you had NO PROBLEM in talking shit about me to my coworkers.

You couldn’t even find any decency then when I did something for you that didn’t benefit me at all. I got no credit, I certainly got no loyalty.

All I got is what I always get from you… another kick in the head for being born as someone you have gotten a lot of victim miles out of hating for 41 years.

It’s always been about you. It will always be about you. Which is why you’re alone with no one in this world willing to give any thing more to someone so coldly selfish you only care about what you get. No gift is sincere, it’s just blackmail to make people owe you.

Those are your demons. You’re going to have to fix them yourself. I’m done.

But thanks for showing me that Christian crap you tried to lay on me earlier this year was all a big hoax.

And you were the one who wanted to take on this thing with ***** *** so don’t come crying to me now. I warned *** in ** that you would buckle under the strain – but no one listens to me. If I had my way, ***** *** would still be in ** getting proper care by people trained to do so… or at least getting some help here.

I’m sure she didn’t tell you that was my suggestion – to get some kind of part time help here. I was the one calling the VA and trying to set things up. Hell, I was the one who was taking care of things in ********** – three months of my life I dropped because I was needed by people who didn’t even KNOW me.

So you can take your guilt trip and stick it. I’ve already tried to help as much as *** will let me. No one listened to me then, no one’s going to listen to me now.

Yet somehow I’m supposed to bail everyone out when they find themselves painted into a corner… like it’s my fault.

Well guess what? This spoiled opportunist doesn’t want ***’s house. I don’t want ***’s money. Y’all want to beat me up for being this huge leech who has taken more than you’ve all wanted to give… well allow me to let you off the hook. I don’t want ANYTHING from anyone who wants to keep me bound by guilt and obligation, and I certainly don’t consider that family.

You can love me or you can leave me the hell alone.

I would deeply appreciate the latter.

If y’all really loved *** you’d get him the proper care he deserves. That’s not from me. That’s not from you or ***. That’s from doctors and therapists and people trained to handle his illness.

But I guess I know which way my family will go.

It’s all about the money, his suffering be damned.

And I don’t want any part of it.


5 thoughts on “The Conversation.

  1. ah, so you’re the red headed step child! that explains a lot about your family… go you for standing up for yourself!!! I’m proud of you, girl! xoxoxo

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