Stepping Out of the Darkness


In 2003/2004 I did a weight loss blog on AOL that I truly believe helped me shed 70 pounds and 10 dress sizes just by having a public place where I was accountable. It was a lot harder to backslide when I knew I had to report my results each week – good, bad or ugly.

My initial weight was more than a normal scale could record. I figure at my highest I was approaching 350.

This was a photo taken in 2003, holding a picture of me at my highest weight:

When I got married in 2001 my dress was a size 32:

And that was after ditching fried food and actually *losing* weight to fit into that dress.

Through the course of 2003/2004, in what I named “A Journey to Me”, I saw significant changes:

11/2003 at 315lbs

07/2004 at 270lbs (same clothes)

And my wedding dress when I was fitting into size 24:

This was when I started going for W-A-L-Ks at the P-A-R-K:

And a year later:

Anyone who is truly heavy understands the apprehension of saying your weight out loud. You fear that people will know your “dark dirty secret” that you think you can keep hidden under loose-fitting clothes that hide the embarrassing rolls and bulges. It was a scary first step to say to the world how much I weighed, but I felt it was necessary. I braced myself for the negative comments and just hit the submit button and hoped for the best.

All in all I received mostly positive responses and even developed a bit of a following. The only real negative responses came after I was featured in AOL’s front page when someone posted the ugly, “How can you give any advice on losing weight? From your picture you must weigh more than 300 pounds!”

(How is it I can remember that word for word and not the nice ones?… Ironic.)

Yes, I did weigh more than 300 pounds but I also had spent a LIFETIME learning about how to lose weight. From fads on down I had read or tried to do anything to conquer my battle of the budge and get rid of the excess weight… so I had plenty to say on the subject.

Not to mention I wasn’t saying I was an expert in anything. It was my own personal journey that AOL decided to recognize in its healthy blog series.

The truth is ugly people don’t need much cause to be ugly. But that’s baggage I don’t have to carry anymore.

So I have no excuses keeping my whole weight journey undercover anymore. That’s not going to help me be unstoppable. I know what works and I just need to bite the bullet and do it.

I no longer weigh over 300 pounds, thanks to the progress I made last year giving up sugar and meat and dairy. I lost down to 280 by the time I went out to California and had to deal with my family crisis. I maintained that for most of the year, even when I stopped weighing myself and went back to an omnivore diet, fluctuating between 280-285 with little to no effort.

I thought for sure I could put my nose to the grindstone and get under 200 by the end of 2011.

Then I stepped on the scale this morning, something I’ve avoided for four or five months, and realized I’ve slowly crept up to 295. The reason being I’ve consciously known *why* I was eating, but I still ate anyway.

This has been especially true this month of January, which was stressful on so many levels.

SO….

Here’s me putting my stuff out here, good, bad or ugly. My goal is to post a blog every day, post a link to my Sparkpeople page every day which includes my food diary to keep track of what I’m doing in keeping my daily caloric intake goals. I’m also going to weigh in every Monday and post the results, good or bad.

(Interesting to note: the idea of this makes me want to eat… duly acknowledged and noted.)

Now I’m off to get work done because, back out or not… I have to get my daily work goals done.

I’ve been entirely too *stoppable* for this year, and I’m over it. Time to get successful… one day at a time.

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6 thoughts on “Stepping Out of the Darkness

  1. You are my hero and my inspiration. Not because of your striving to lose weight but because of your steadfastness in doing so and your bravery in publishing it. I wish I had your level of courage and tenacity.

  2. That new show “Heavy” (is it on Bravo, or something?) had a commercial with an “aha” moment for me: The coach/trainer says “You know everything there is to know about losing weight, but you don’t know jack about KEEPING it off.” When I plug in and do the work, the weight comes off. Then I reach one of my goals, and I slack off a little. A bit here. A bit there. The weight stays off for a bit, but then it creeps back, so little at a time it’s easy to overlook…then ‘out of the blue’ pants are getting tighter again. So, my goal is not to have an END goal, because even when I reach my ‘goal weight’ I’ll have a lifetime of good choices that I’ll need to KEEP making to stay there. I’m on sparkpeople too. Let’s start a blogger group there – I have 2 other friends here, locally, who are doing this, too – we can all be accountable to one another – and SUPPORTIVE of one another! 🙂

    • I’m so living proof of that. It’s true – we get in this temporary mindset that we only have to do this temporarily and we can go back to life as we know it.

      We can never go back to life as we knew it. We have to make a life that is *better*.

      The blogging group sounds great! Let me know what to do to join the group (invite or whatnot) and I’ll definitely participate. My name is Geevie over there too.

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