The Roller Coaster Continues


After a mostly up day, including a personal tweet from one of my Idol idols, my lovely 18 year old son comes home and tells me he wants to move out the first of February. This ten day news I could understand completely but it couldn’t come at a worse time financially given Steven’s tenuous employment status and our financial insecurity given my back going out.

(I’m the only one working, and I haven’t been able to work full time. Not good.)

It was quite the shock to the system. I don’t know if he’s ready to make this big move, especially this fast, given he doesn’t have a job and his only source of income is a survivor benefits check from his Dad’s social security. That used to come to me to take care of him and provide his needs but when he turned 18 they became his responsibility, and as such he can do with it what he wants.

Moving in with his best friend and his family is what he wants.

And I’ve been 18, more than ready to leave the nest and wanting to spend more time with my friends than my mom. He doesn’t want to move to California – which I didn’t when I was 16, and as such wanted to move out on my own prematurely. So I get that. He wants to continue going to school here in the program he is in, which I also get.

But he’s not exactly the most motivated of kids (and I guess I wasn’t either) and I worry about whether or not he’s ready to make a big step like this without a safety net.

Like I said, these choices are a lot easier when you’re so young and can’t think “two steps ahead” courtesy of hard-earned experience that says the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. His dad used to be the same way, whenever things got rocky he’d just move.

There’s usually only so far you can run before you have to buckle down and make something work.

(Ironic that I can say this given that I’m ready to make a huge move to California – but that I don’t *have* to because I *hate* my life here is throwing me for a MAJOR loop.)

The other side of this is that we were counting on his part of the “rent” as guaranteed income in a time period there is nothing really “guaranteed.” I get money generally twice a week but that’s dependent upon how much I can work. With my back out, that hasn’t been much.

It just once again scares me what it means when we’re in LA and expenses have doubled and there are no other sources of income like I’ve had here. When I can’t even get to the bathroom from the bed without help, it kind of counts me out for writing 8 to 10 hours a day.

I haven’t been able to manage six courtesy of my muscle relaxers.

Steven’s got a potentially decent paying job ($1 less than the furniture place, sans commission) but we have to go to Amarillo today to take care of some business and clear up some things to make that happen. I like impromptu trips but having things happen within a day can cause a shock to the system, particularly when I have been trying to seriously police what I eat.

Now we’re going into a situation where I’ll have to eat what is available and convenient over what is healthy.

I’m skerred.

But life is not always going to be this little bubble I’ve created to make my goals. I’m going to have to live this lifestyle “in real life,” so I figure it’s a necessary lesson in learning how to compromise.

Hence why I began my day with a bowl of oatmeal rather than rely on a quick stop at McDonald’s right as we hit the road. (Because I already know from experience, that will be Steven’s choice of breakfast. He’s already informed me that he wants to hit Waffle House while we’re up there… and I can pretty much guarantee you there is *nothing* healthy to be had on that menu.)

Plus my back is still out. Said bathroom incident happened last night at about midnight, and now I’m going to sit in a bumpy car for five hours?

Lord, help me.

So the roller coaster continues. Sometimes I feel that by telling the universe I’m “unstoppable” the universe has responded with an, “Oh YEAH?”

BUT… I must keep things in perspective. These are challenges only, and challenges I’m more than equipped to meet head on, despite how much pain I’ve had to endure.

There are those, Representative Gabrielle Giffords for example, who have a much harder road to walk. Or that 19 year old who went to work today in Philadelphia as a utility worker and ended up dying in a fireball thanks to a gas explosion.

Those are problems.

These are not problems. These are opportunities.

So I need to shut my trap and be thankful for my many blessings, and thank God that I have the advantages that I do.

(The change in perception is 1000000000000 times harder than the change in lifestyle habits. Just sayin.’)

Now I must get ready to brave the wind, snow and wintery mix to head up north for an overnight stay.

I get to see my best friend Jeff, even for just a few hours, and that’s worth the price of admission right there.

How I did yesterday, courtesy of Sparkpeople.com.

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2 thoughts on “The Roller Coaster Continues

  1. Ginger,

    God, and to think of the self pity as I finished shoveling snow this morning before Hal’s show. All the time complaining about why I live in this arctic butthole. I am truly sorry about your situation and can only hope and wish for your best health and strength in life. If your optimism is any indication, I believe you’ll be doing better. At least I hope so.

    Best of Luck, Stephen (brokehammer from the chat)

    • Thanks so much Stephen 🙂 And welcome to the blog!

      It’s gotten to the point where the drastic twists and turns are almost funny – like a comedy of errors. I don’t know what it means, if anything, but … I guess I can just learn from it what I can.

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