I’m a firm believer that in order to be happy you just have to have the right perspective. Happiness is a choice, not an event. If you sit around waiting to be happy you’re in for a long wait, because what you’ve essentially done is given someone or something else the license to your happiness.
No one should hold that but you.
In this world there are going to be people who disappoint you, upset you, let you down or even betray you… but how you choose to feel about them and about life in general is up to you.
Truth is I’ve been exceedingly unhappy in the last few months because I’ve deprived myself things that made me happy. Well, honestly I’ve been miserable for years because I’ve pinned my happiness on the actions of others, then when they fell through (as they are wont to do) then I was unhappier still. So I’ve been a pouty, whiny, bratty mess that has just taken the last few months to mope.
Why I did it is sort of a moot point. Somewhere along the line I decided I needed to punish those who disappointed me. But eventually it dawned on me they’d have to care enough to notice.
And, quite simply, they don’t.
This doesn’t mean they’re bad people. It doesn’t even really mean they’re all that selfish. They’re just doing what makes them happy and that doesn’t always translate into what makes me happy. It’s nothing personal, not really. Someone said once that sometimes when people do things that hurt you they’re not even thinking about you at all. They’re doing what they want to do and your feelings are quite irrelevant. They’re not waiting for our permission to be happy so it’s foolish to withhold our own happiness in some spiteful attempt to get even.
The martyr crap only works when people care about you more than themselves. Very often this is not the case.
And that’s okay.
Certain people and especially certain relationships have their limitations. The problem I’ve had is trying to whittle a square peg to fit into a round hole. What I REALLY needed to do is put that peg where it belonged instead of punishing it – and myself – by tossing it away entirely.
You don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, as it were.
So from now on, I choose happy. I’m going to do the things that make me happy and bring me joy and leave all the superfluous drama to the wayside. I accept the limitations of others without it limiting *ME.*
Thanks to my wonderful amazing loving husband giving me some much needed perspective, I feel very much at peace with being true to myself even though I know others may not understand. But as Bill Cosby said, I may not know the secret to happiness but the recipe for unhappiness is trying to make everyone else happy.
I can only do that, really, for myself.
And as of this moment, I give myself permission to do exactly that.
It’s time to get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.
*How the universe responded… I found THIS on Facebook right after writing this blog. That, my friends, is a brick. I can’t even get into how apt this advice is for me right now:
Things to remember:
Choose to be happy!
Learn what triggers your reactions, then adjust.
Look for ways to appreciate, recognize and encourage those around you.
So today’s lesson, class: You can’t change the people around you, only how you react to them. Find reasons to build people up rather than tear them down. In order to do this: CHOOSE HAPPY.
Honestly you’ll feel happier just in making the decision to be happy. It’s really quite liberating, and much more rewarding than being resentful and bitter. I feel like I’ve tossed a ten ton weight from my shoulders… baggage that was never mine to carry anyway.
Let’s all carry our OWN sunshine from the inside from now on.